Let's see how this works...

[alexpgp.livejournal.com]

Technical translation is my forte, but from time to time, I essay non-technical translation for the challenge of it.

I've attempted to translate the lyrics to "Ваше благородие" here.

Suggestions (particuarly regarding any serious misunderstandings on my part) are solicited.

Cheers...

Comments

[avva.livejournal.com]

Just one misunderstanding:

Äåâÿòü ãðàììîâ â ñåðäöå ïîñòîé íå çîâè

means

"ïîñòîé, íå çîâè äåâÿòü ãðàììîâ (ò.å. ïóëþ) â (ìî¸) ñåðäöå"

Çäåñü "íå çîâè" = "íå ïðèçûâàé" ïðèìåðíî.

[alexpgp.livejournal.com]

as in:

"please don't let me get shot"?

Cheers...

[avva.livejournal.com]

Yes, seeing that this is addressed to Lady Luck.
"don't direct a bullet into my heart just yet" or something like this.

[yan.livejournal.com]

It's not exactly translation, isn't it? You most probably cannot sing it to the same tune. Anyway, it seems to me fairly precise in all but one point:
You favor some with kindness and leave others chewing dirt
it rather too explicit. It sounds like a (direct) complaint which doesn't fit with a singing manly character.

[alexpgp.livejournal.com]

×åñòíî ãîâîðÿ, òðóäíî ñêàçàòü ÷òî ýòî òàêîå. Òðóäíî ïåðåâîäèòü ñëîâà ïîïóëÿðíîé ïåñíè.

Your comment is noted. I'll give some thought to a revision.

Cheers...

[belochka.livejournal.com]

-- "Mistress" âñ¸-òàêè íåìíîãî ðåæåò óõî íà àíãëèéñêîì (èëè ïî êðàéíåé ìåðå íà "àìåðèêàíñêîì") -- ÿ ïîìíþ ãëàçà íàøåé landlady êîãäà ïàïà ïîêàçûâàë ñëàéäû è ãîâîðèë "my mistress" ïðî õîçÿéêó äà÷è... ìíå êàæåòñÿ Lady çâó÷àëî-áû ëó÷øå (åñòü âûðàæåíèå "Lady Luck" íàïðèìåð)

-- Ê ñîæàëåíèþ ÿ ïëîõî ïîìíþ ïåñíþ, íî -- ïî ðèòìó, ïîñëåäíÿÿ ñòðî÷êà ìîæåò áûòü: I'm no good at dying, I'll have luck at love

[alexpgp.livejournal.com]

You've got a point about "mistress," though the landlady you refer to probably understood the word in the sense of an extramarital sexual partner. (The same problem can occur in the use of the word "madam," denoting the female manager of a house of prostitution.)

As a native-born 'murican, I can tell you that although "mistress" does have something of an archaic sound, the prefacing of a statement with "Your Honor" is completely 'foreign' (unless we're talking to a judge in court :^).

On the other hand, I like your suggestion of "Lady" because it lacks the aggressive sibilants of "mistress."

I also like your suggestion for the last line, particularly the first half ("I'm no good at dying"). Thank you.

Cheers...

Some more thoughts on a translation...

[belochka.livejournal.com]

Please accept my compliments, Lady Separation
But your touch is cold to me* /- /- /-(vacation? sensation?)
/-/-/-- /- /- /-
I’m no good at dying, I’ll have luck in love

Please accept my compliments, darling Lady Luck
You’re so kind to some of us others you just ----**,
/-/-/-- /- /- /-
I’m no good at dying, I’ll have luck in love

Please accept my compliments, Lady Foreign Lands!
Passion there was plenty, but loveless were your hands
/-/-/-- /- /- /-
I’m no good at dying, I’ll have luck in love

Please accept my compliments, Lady Victory!
/- /- /--/-/-/
/-/-/-- /- /- /-
I’m no good at dying, I’ll have luck in love


*I like the internal rhyme of compliments = cold to me

**Joke, joke, I couldn’t resist :) :) :)

Re: Some more thoughts on a translation...

[alexpgp.livejournal.com]

In the course of doing various chores yesterday, I started thinking along the same lines, in terms of abandoning the "literal" rendition of 'Your Honor'. Your version does the job admirably.

I'm also thinking of abandoning the "I'll be lucky at love" wording (or "I'll have luck at love" as you have it), on the basis of there being relatively few words that rhyme with "love" in English. The fact that "lucky at love" is part of (at least) American English ("unlucky at cards, lucky at love") does not provide enough justification to keep it, I think. I'm considering:

I'm no good at dying, I'll be lucky in bed!

although it's a little bawdier than what's in the current iteration. (Then again, given your second line concerning Lady Luck, maybe it'd fit right in! :^) At any rate, I can think of at least six words off the top of my head that rhyme with "bed."

Cheers...

Re: Some more thoughts on a translation...

[belochka.livejournal.com]

To keep the rhythm going you could use something like "I'm not good at dying, maybe love will smile on me" (it kinda almost rhymes to "lyubvi", too)


PS – compliments on your knowledge of Russian – I missed your disclaimer on "lack of understanding of Russian culture," and hadn’t checked your profile, so I just assumed you were "one of us." Though I’m not sure what "us" would be – I’m as Americanized as any Russian who still speaks the language.