Вот мои два эссе для TOEFL
Aug. 25th, 2003 11:28 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
evridika.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
ru_translateЕсли у кого-то есть желание, проверьте, пожалуйста. Напоминаю, что это должен быть амер. английский, поэтому если есть такие ошибки, укажите.
Заранее спасибо.
Essay 2
Films can tell us a lot about the country in which they were made. What have you learned about a country from watching its movies? Use specific examples and details to support your response.
Films made in different countries certainly have their own peculiarities. And it depends not only on the style of cinematography in the country, but also on the country itself. Watching a film in a realistic style we can learn a lot about the culture and history of the country, its nature and national character.
First of all, the events described in the film take place in a definite place and at a certain time. If the movie is truthful, we undoubtedly find out something new about some historical figures, as well as national heroes. In the scenes of the film there will probably be some famous sights, historical buildings and cultural heritage. You may even “visit” places where it’s forbidden to be present.
Moreover, every film is full of pictures of nature: picturesque countryside, woods, meadows. fields, rivers and mountains. For instance, if you watch a movie about Africa or Southern America you’ll see some specific animals or plants, which you can find nowhere else. In the film about Tibetan lamas you can enjoy the beauty of the mountain landscape. Everywhere in the world one can discover something worth showing to the audience.
Nevertheless culture and nature outline no more than the background of the movie. In the foreground we usually see people. The characters of the film, major and minor ones, depict the national character and often shape the widely known stereotypes of the nation. We can learn a lot about the customs and traditions as well as the lifestyle of the inhabitants. For example, after watching several American films one can understand that people of the USA are used to eat fast food. Their habits and daily routine are also noteworthy. We learn a lot not only about their behavior, but also about their language – especially if we listen to the original sound of the film.
As we can see, even if the movie is not about the country we still may learn some new facts about culture, history, places and people. One can get to know the country without travelling – just by watching a film made there.
Essay 3
The twentieth century has seen great change. In your opinion, what is one change that should be remembered about this century? Give specific reasons and details to explain your choice.
There are have been many innovations in the 20th century which changed our lives dramatically. But there is one which I consider to be the most important for everyone – the appearance of personal computers. First of all, PC provides a good tool for work and the Internet can be used as a source of information both for school and job. Moreover, the Internet has become a new way of communication. Finally, PC gave birth to interactive pictures, animation and other things that couldn’t be done earlier.
Computers play a great role in our lives nowadays, because they are our indispensable helpers in studying and working. In particular, computer helps us to store information in large quantities and to process digital and analogous data. The Internet users can almost everything they need for their work or education on the web. Distant education also became available.
The computer contributed to the sphere of communication. Before the appearance of PC people communicated with each other in 3 main ways: in person, by writing letters or speaking on the phone. The Internet and the fact that most people have access to the world wide web nowadays make it easier for people living far away to talk to each other at real time. Videocameras made it possible even to send one’s on-line image to the partner.
What is more, interactive games, talks, pictures become an essential part of our lives. Banners as a new kind of advertisement on the web is expending. There’re some new professions such as web designer. No doubt it’s become a real art.
On the whole, in our time computers are as common as telephones. Children learn to use it before they can read and write. It’s good, because it will help them in their studies, in their future work and at leisure.
Writing Scoring Guide
6 An essay at this level
–effectively addresses the writing task
–is well organized and well developed
– uses clearly appropriate details to support a thesis or
illustrate ideas
–displays consistent facility in the use of language
– demonstrates syntactic variety and appropriate word choice
5 An essay at this level
–may address some parts of the task more effectively
than others
–is generally well organized and developed
– uses details to support a thesis or illustrate an idea
–displays facility in the use of the language
– demonstrates some syntactic variety and range of vocabulary
4 An essay at this level
–addresses the writing topic adequately but may slight parts
of the task
–is adequately organized and developed
– uses some details to support a thesis or illustrate an idea
– demonstrates adequate but possibly inconsistent facility with
syntax and usage
–may contain some errors that occasionally obscure meaning
3 An essay at this level may reveal one or more of the
following weaknesses:
–inadequate organization or development
–inappropriate or insufficient details to support or
illustrate generalizations
–a noticeably inappropriate choice of words or word forms
– an accumulation of errors in sentence structure and/or usage
2 An essay at this level is seriously flawed by one or
more of the following weaknesses:
– serious disorganization or underdevelopment
– little or no detail, or irrelevant specifics
– serious and frequent errors in sentence structure or usage
– serious problems with focus
1 An essay at this level
–may be incoherent
–may be undeveloped
–may contain severe and persistent writing errors
0 An essay will be rated 0 if it
– contains no response
– merely copies the topic
–is off-topic, is written in a foreign language or consists only of
keystroke characters
Заранее спасибо.
Essay 2
Films can tell us a lot about the country in which they were made. What have you learned about a country from watching its movies? Use specific examples and details to support your response.
Films made in different countries certainly have their own peculiarities. And it depends not only on the style of cinematography in the country, but also on the country itself. Watching a film in a realistic style we can learn a lot about the culture and history of the country, its nature and national character.
First of all, the events described in the film take place in a definite place and at a certain time. If the movie is truthful, we undoubtedly find out something new about some historical figures, as well as national heroes. In the scenes of the film there will probably be some famous sights, historical buildings and cultural heritage. You may even “visit” places where it’s forbidden to be present.
Moreover, every film is full of pictures of nature: picturesque countryside, woods, meadows. fields, rivers and mountains. For instance, if you watch a movie about Africa or Southern America you’ll see some specific animals or plants, which you can find nowhere else. In the film about Tibetan lamas you can enjoy the beauty of the mountain landscape. Everywhere in the world one can discover something worth showing to the audience.
Nevertheless culture and nature outline no more than the background of the movie. In the foreground we usually see people. The characters of the film, major and minor ones, depict the national character and often shape the widely known stereotypes of the nation. We can learn a lot about the customs and traditions as well as the lifestyle of the inhabitants. For example, after watching several American films one can understand that people of the USA are used to eat fast food. Their habits and daily routine are also noteworthy. We learn a lot not only about their behavior, but also about their language – especially if we listen to the original sound of the film.
As we can see, even if the movie is not about the country we still may learn some new facts about culture, history, places and people. One can get to know the country without travelling – just by watching a film made there.
Essay 3
The twentieth century has seen great change. In your opinion, what is one change that should be remembered about this century? Give specific reasons and details to explain your choice.
There are have been many innovations in the 20th century which changed our lives dramatically. But there is one which I consider to be the most important for everyone – the appearance of personal computers. First of all, PC provides a good tool for work and the Internet can be used as a source of information both for school and job. Moreover, the Internet has become a new way of communication. Finally, PC gave birth to interactive pictures, animation and other things that couldn’t be done earlier.
Computers play a great role in our lives nowadays, because they are our indispensable helpers in studying and working. In particular, computer helps us to store information in large quantities and to process digital and analogous data. The Internet users can almost everything they need for their work or education on the web. Distant education also became available.
The computer contributed to the sphere of communication. Before the appearance of PC people communicated with each other in 3 main ways: in person, by writing letters or speaking on the phone. The Internet and the fact that most people have access to the world wide web nowadays make it easier for people living far away to talk to each other at real time. Videocameras made it possible even to send one’s on-line image to the partner.
What is more, interactive games, talks, pictures become an essential part of our lives. Banners as a new kind of advertisement on the web is expending. There’re some new professions such as web designer. No doubt it’s become a real art.
On the whole, in our time computers are as common as telephones. Children learn to use it before they can read and write. It’s good, because it will help them in their studies, in their future work and at leisure.
Writing Scoring Guide
6 An essay at this level
–effectively addresses the writing task
–is well organized and well developed
– uses clearly appropriate details to support a thesis or
illustrate ideas
–displays consistent facility in the use of language
– demonstrates syntactic variety and appropriate word choice
5 An essay at this level
–may address some parts of the task more effectively
than others
–is generally well organized and developed
– uses details to support a thesis or illustrate an idea
–displays facility in the use of the language
– demonstrates some syntactic variety and range of vocabulary
4 An essay at this level
–addresses the writing topic adequately but may slight parts
of the task
–is adequately organized and developed
– uses some details to support a thesis or illustrate an idea
– demonstrates adequate but possibly inconsistent facility with
syntax and usage
–may contain some errors that occasionally obscure meaning
3 An essay at this level may reveal one or more of the
following weaknesses:
–inadequate organization or development
–inappropriate or insufficient details to support or
illustrate generalizations
–a noticeably inappropriate choice of words or word forms
– an accumulation of errors in sentence structure and/or usage
2 An essay at this level is seriously flawed by one or
more of the following weaknesses:
– serious disorganization or underdevelopment
– little or no detail, or irrelevant specifics
– serious and frequent errors in sentence structure or usage
– serious problems with focus
1 An essay at this level
–may be incoherent
–may be undeveloped
–may contain severe and persistent writing errors
0 An essay will be rated 0 if it
– contains no response
– merely copies the topic
–is off-topic, is written in a foreign language or consists only of
keystroke characters
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no subject
Date: 2003-08-25 01:45 am (UTC)Films made in different countries certainly have their own peculiarities. And it depends not only on the style of cinematography in the country, but also on the country itself. () about the culture and history of the country, its nature and national character.
First of all, the events described in the film take place in a definite place and at a certain time. If () movie is (), we undoubtedly find out something new about some historical figures, as well as national heroes. In the scenes of the film there will probably be some famous sights, historical buildings and cultural heritage (you shouldn't set something as abstract as "cultural heritage" alongside with "sights" and "buildings"). You may even “visit” places ().
Moreover, every film is full of pictures of nature: picturesque countryside, woods, meadows, fields, rivers and mountains (avoid redundant listings which are obviously intended to show the grader how many words you know). For instance, if you watch a movie about Africa or South America you’ll see some (In this context, it should be some or specific, but not both) specific animals or plants, which you () find () else. In (, because there's probably more than one movie about Tibet) film about Tibetan lamas you can enjoy the beauty of the mountain landscape. Everywhere in the world one can discover something worth showing to the audience.
Nevertheless culture and nature outline no more than the background of the movie. In the foreground we usually see people. The characters of the film, major and minor ones, depict national character and often shape the widely known stereotypes of the nation. We can learn a lot about the customs and traditions as well as the lifestyle of the inhabitants. For example, after watching several American films one can understand that people of the USA are used to eat fast food. Their habits and daily routine are also noteworthy. We learn a lot not only about their behavior, but also about their language – especially if we listen to the original sound of the film.
As we can see, even if the movie is not about () country we still may learn some new facts about culture, history, places and people. One can get to know the country without travelling – just by watching a film made there.
В целом, повторюсь, вполне достойно. По второму замечания будут позже.
no subject
Date: 2003-08-26 05:59 am (UTC)Вижу, что с артиклями у меня проблемы...
А что насчет содержания? И связующих элементов (вводных конструкций?)?
no subject
Date: 2003-08-26 06:05 am (UTC)Т.е. можно сказать: you should've watched the movie (тебе стоило пойти на тот самый фильм, который уже раньше упоминался в разговоре или ином контексте); но you should've watched a movie (тебе бы надо было посмотреть фильм).
И т.п. С содержанием у Вас все в полном порядке - по тому, сколько времени дается на ТWE, никто не ожидает от вас развернутого и комплексного анализа темы. На вводные конструкции внимания, признаться, не обращал.
Я обязательно напишу Вам замечания и по второму эссе в этом треде тоже, просто у меня сейчас времени нет.