please, check the essay for TOEFL :)

[evridika.livejournal.com]

There are three main points that should be checked:
- content
- clarity
- punctuation
- spelling

Some people say that physical exercise should be a required part of every school day. Other people believe that students should spend the whole school day on academic studies. Which opinion do you agree with? Give reasons to support your answer.

There’re two opinions about the role of physical training at school. Some people believe that is should be obligatory, others claim that it is not necessary for the students. To my mind, the students should go in for sports for the following reasons: first, sport is good for health; secondly, the students need a change during the day; finally, sport games can develop (?) team spirit in the children.
First of all, sport means health. Physical training is necessary for people, especially for teenagers. Students are usually lazy to do morning exercises; moreover, only few of them attend special trainings after classes. If sport is compulsory, they will have to train and, therefore, improve their physical condition and keep them fit.
Besides, students usually sit in their classrooms all day without any move. The change of activity will not only be of use to their health, but it will also divert (?) them. After physical training they will certainly feel improved. It is said that students show better results at the lessons after such trainings.
Finally, all the team games, such as football, basketball or rugby, teach the students to feel the team spirit. This skill (?) will help them in future, when today’s teenagers are managers at large corporations, where only a team can solve all the problems most efficiently.
All in all, I consider physical training necessary for schoolchildren, because after these classes they will feel healthier; it will bring them a change; and they will learn to be a team.


Thank you beforehand :))

Comments

[enigmata.livejournal.com]

Some people say that physical exercise should be a required part of every school day. Other people believe that students should spend the whole school day on academic studies. Which opinion do you agree with? Give reasons to support your answer.

There are two conflicting opinions about the role of physical education at school. Some believe that it should be obligatory, others claim that it is unnecessary. In my opinion, students should particpate in sports for the following reasons: first, sports exercise is good for health; second, a change during the day is good for morale; and third team sports can teach cooperation

[When I was in school the teacher would write "faulty parallelism" on my essays. Note how I have changed the last sentence to make the statements "parallel."

First sports means health. Physical exercise is necessary for everyone, but especially for teenagers. Students are usually too lazy to do morning exercises; moreover only few of them attend special training after classes. If sports are compulsory, students will have to exercise and, therefore, improve their physical condition and keep fit.

Besides, students usually sit in their classrooms all day without any movement. The change of activity will not only be of use to their health, but it will also refresh them them. After physical training they will certainly feel better. It is said that students show better results at their lessons after participation in sports.

Finally, all the team games, such as football, basketball or rugby, teach the students to cooperate with others. This skill will help them in future, when today’s teenagers work in tomorrow's large organizations, where only teams can solve problems efficiently.
All in all, I consider physical exercise necessary for schoolchildren, because after these sessions they will be healthier; will feel better, will work better as a team.

[Again - parallelism]

P.

[evridika.livejournal.com]

yes, parallism is something that I can't understand. I mean it makes the essay a bit boring, but they require it :)

[ex-bulatych796.livejournal.com]

Сколько живу в Америке-Канаде никогда не слышал и не видел выражение "go in for sport", хотя это может быть в силу моей ограниченности. Предлагаю заменить на "have physical exercise". Вообще, слово "sport" подразумевает больше развлечение, чем упражнение, поэтому оно вероятно меньше подходит в вашем тексте. В Америке ещё используется термин "physical education".

"Develop team spirit" is good.

change "team games" to "team sports" ;)

sit at their desks all day. точка

not only be healthy

will also refresh their minds

will certainly feel energized

in class after physical exercise

team skills

This skill (?) will help them in future, when today’s teenagers are managers at large corporations, where only a team can solve all the problems most efficiently. - crappy content, rewrite

because it's healthy, stimulating, and cooperative.

[evridika.livejournal.com]

а мне еще в школе вдолбили, что to go in for sports и никак иначе :))) ладно, я это учту :)
спасибо за комментарии :)

"Go in for sports"

[hello-skinny.livejournal.com]

Это - нормальное великобританское выражение; но в америке мы так не говорим. В этом контексте, я бы тоже написал "participate in sports". В разговорным языке, есть ещё несколько возможностеи - "play sports" (e.g. "Do you play any sports?"), "do sports" ("I don't do any sports.").

(Но я заметил, что русские учебники очень любят "go in for sports"...)

Re: "Go in for sports"

[evridika.livejournal.com]

то есть предложение "Я занимаюсь спортом" будет звучать I participate in sports (в письм. тексте)?

[hello-skinny.livejournal.com]

в принсипе, да -- это нормально звучит. но мне кажется что мы чаще всего говорим (или пишем) прямо, если это возможно, какие спорты мы имеем в виду -- например, "I play volleyball and soccer"; "I jog and lift weights".

[dulcineja.livejournal.com]

вот еще вариант. правда, у энигматы- лучше.

Two points of view exist on the role of physical exercising at school. Some believe that it should be obligatory, while others claim that it is not necessary In my opinion, the students should have to do physical exercises in school for the following reasons: first, sports are good for improving general health; second, it would be a welcome change from the typical daily routine; and finally, sports can develop team spirit in children.

First of all, participation in sports leads to a healthier lifestyle. Exercising is necessary for everyone, especially for teenagers. Students are usually to lazy to exercise in the mornings; furthermore, only a few of them participate in exercising after school. If participation were compulsory, though, they would have to train and therefore improve their physical condition, as well as stay fit.

Besides, students usually sit all day in a classroom with very little, if any, movement. The change of activity will not only be of use to their health, but will also be a fun and welcomed change from the daily routine. It has been found that students who participate in physical exercises have better results in their academic classes.

Finally, team sports such as football, basketball, or rugby teach students team spirit. This quality will help them in the future when they go to work for large corporations, where many problems are frequently solved by teams.

All in all, I consider physical exercises necessary for schoolchildren. The exercise classes will help students stay health, add some excitement to the daily routine and teach them to be a part of a team.

[rukenau.livejournal.com]

> There are three main points that should be checked:
> - content
> - clarity
> - punctuation
> - spelling

How 'bout another point,

> - arithmetics

:o)

[evridika.livejournal.com]

sorry :))
in fact, I meant that punctuation and spelling make one point :)